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losing my soul in a material world .
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[31 Oct 2008|09:16am] |
you should be stoked.
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| summer shudder. |
[16 Apr 2007|11:49am] |
when i turn up the music so loud that I can't hear anything else, I feel as if it's all around me. I feel like I'm someplace else and sometimes that's nice. The sound of the keyboard clicking away is also a comfort. I want a typewriter so bad. "Some things never do change."
- I want a typewriter.
- I want a stereo that will play my records as well.
- I want to pass my classes with more than fucking D's.
- .... And I want to pass geometry.
- I also don't want my parents to find out about the F that I have in that class as of right now.
So, I guess I'm not taking drivers ed until this summer if there is anyone that does it during the summer. that's kind of shitty. everyone is going to have their license before me because i make myself nervous and wait too goddamn long to sign up. i really don't want to drive. i have no desire too but at the same time i want to just so i can quit having other people cart my ass around. i feel bad when i get in the car with anyone else.
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| Amazing, because it is . |
[11 Apr 2007|09:58pm] |
The Academy Is - Santi 
The Almost - Souther Weather
possible snow day tomorrow
eeeh but it's April. Shouldn't it be nice out by now? What the hell.
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| i'll sleep when you're dead . |
[10 Apr 2007|07:09am] |
So I am grounded for basically the rest of my life, I'm guessing. Well, so far I'm only grounded for the rest of the school year but with report cards coming out shortly I'm sure to be grounded for summer vacation as well. My dad is insane. All of this just because my room wasn't clean. Why is he so out of his mind??
Meh. Whatever. If he doesn't crack and let me go places then I'll just have to eventually sneak around. As Tristen said "this blows". That's the easiest way to put it. But oh, hey! I'm finding that I'm actually a geometry brainiac if I just apply myself. I got done an entire packet and the homework before people were even done the packet so I got to do my american systems homework. Yeah betch.
( NEEDED. )
And by needed I mean I want them. A lot. Not that it matters. If they're even in a Hot Topic near by I wont be able to buy them for months there for making it nearly impossible to get any of them because... with my luck. they'll be sold out. Watch, I'll go to the mall when I'm ungrounded and the big HT will be like "yeeeeeah... we don't even. sell vinyl any more unless you're talking about pants." godihatethisalready.
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[04 Apr 2007|07:13am] |
Just so it's out there: I really, really hate easter now that I'm older and my family's too tired to even bother with coloring eggs, too annoyed with each other to come together, too busy to visit like they used to. I really do not enjoy this holiday at all. And I hope to god I am working this Sunday.
I'm not working Satuday, like I said in my last entry. Whatever. After I hang out with my sister I have to find something to do because I do not want to be home. I mean, I do, so I can sew and shit since I'm going to thrift shops to get nifty prints and stuff that wouldn't normally fit me, but eeeh. I dont actually want to be home.
I wonder, if Tristen's not working, if JAKET will actually be able to have a hang out or something since it has been a little while since we've actually been JAKET and not just parts of JAKET.
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[02 Apr 2007|09:11pm] |
Real quick:
- my immune system
- the health test/quiz i have tomorrow
- presenting the passion project tomorrow
+ watching passion projects tomorrow
-/+ text messaging
- her
+ him
-/+ work this week
++ paycheck this week
when is summer coming? saturday i am going to a shit load of thrift stores with my sister. i'm working almost every day this week. my throat is killing me. i haven't studied. i dont know what to say while presenting tomorrow. my phone wont stop buzzing. i talked to her and felt dumb. i talked to him and felt better about myself. my paycheck is going to be amazing and i am going to deposit some of it and not feel so bad about not depositing anything for a while now. i am going to ask to be cashier trained. i swear.... eventually. yeah.
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[01 Apr 2007|10:37pm] |
I dislike how uncreative I have been as of lately. I dont know what to do with myself.
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[30 Mar 2007|07:05am] |
My throat is icky. I don't know what's going on but I don't think I like it. At all. I wish it would stop being gross. I like how once it starts getting somewhat nice out, I get sick. What is that? Anyway!
Hung out with Tristen yesterday. Took her bus home. Almost went through a window. My bladder yelled at me. Then we got to her house and I found the third cutest dog in the world. She made soup and then we left to go to subway. She ended up forgetting her wallet and only realized that she didn't have it when we finally got to Subway. We had to go all the way back to her house then all the way back to subway. Thank god the same lady wasn't there. She didn't seem nice at all. Pfff.
Once we left subway we went to Stop n Shop and got our checks. We ran into my parents so I ended up going home with them, not thinking about the fact that I had my school bag in Tristens car. Yeeeeah. She ended up having to show up at seven something to hand it over.
Gah. Kelsi's not picking up her cell phone or her home phone so I have no idea what's going on, if I have a ride to school or if I need to take the bus and this is bad because I have no idea when the bus actually comes soooo... I could be super screwed right now. In fact, I'm thinkin I probably am and I don't like that. I should just not go to school today. fawk.
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| It's just not me to wear it on my sleeve . |
[25 Mar 2007|12:59pm] |
Taste of Chaos is tonight and I'm finding that I'm not as excited as I had been last week. This is most likely because there's the chance that Chiodos will not be playing. They didn't play the Mass date and that was only earlier this week. I have no idea why they didn't play but uh.. they didn't. And they're basically the only band I really really want to see. We're not staying for the Used of 30 Seconds to Mars I guess. It kind of upsets me but I'm not going to say anything. Whatever.
Please try your hardest to get up front. On certain dates, we get tired of seeing the front row full of clueless faces, and people that don't listen to bands that don't wear makeup. Move them out of the way, and get down with us. snicker. I love the boys in that band so much. Ohhh chiodos.
I am not a fan of Portland, Maine so today should prove to be interesting. Two more hours.
I love you when you're sleeping. Also when you're sick. Precious little kid. Down that bottle of poison. Let your life (with me) begin.
scatter-brain.
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| like a bad star i'm falling faster down to her . |
[16 Mar 2007|08:18pm] |
My eyes burn and my legs ache like something crazy. The only thing I've eaten today was cheese sticks and few tater tots (that I stole from Amanda when she wasn't looking. I am super sneaky like that). I'm sick so I don't want to eat in fear that I'll puke. Actually, no. That's a lie. Everyone knows that I don't mind vomit. I think the real deal is I just don't want to eat because I don't like myself lately. Like... I really just don't like me at all. I'm no longer happy with my hair being the length it is. I want to cut my body weight in half, but I guess that wouldn't be healthy?? I really do not care at this point. I road our little excersize(sise?) bike today in the cellar for an hour and burned 793 calories. My legs feel like they're going to fall off. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I skipped dinner. I'm avoiding my phone. I know there's the chance that she has called it a shit load already. I'm being a bad friend because I don't want to feel guilty when I hear her voice. ANd I always do. Always. And I'm not even sure why because I don't have a reason to. I miss her.
ergggh alksjdkljh miss dillon do you wanna get together and go over our power point at some point this weekend if it becomes less dangerous out (weatherwise)?
fuck i hate snow.
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| her life was magazines and faithful tv screens . |
[14 Mar 2007|11:53am] |
Soooo... I feel kinda bad. I told Kelsi that I was staying home because I was going to see my grandmother and I had intended to but uh. eh okay-
So last night I was like YAY I WILL DO MY GEOMETRY PROJECT! but I didn't, of course. But I had intended to. I just didn't have the paper to do it. I have no idea where it went so I have to try and get it tomorrow or at least the words that are on it. Unless it's an even week then fuck it and I'll do it this weekend. Anyway! I didn't do it so I was like "shit I can't go to school tomorrow."
So I did my spanish project then went to bed thinking I'd fake sick tomorrow (today). I got way too into it. I set my alarm clock for 3:35am, put on three sweatshirts and their hoods and my blanket and then went to bed. When my alarm clock went off I took off the sweatshirts, hurried downstairs to the bathroom, gagged a few times and then my mom came in and was like KLJAHLKJHAS DEAR GAAAWD YOUZ HOT. And I sweating my nonexistent balls off so she was correct.
Then at four the phone rang and it was my grandfather saying something was up with my grandmother and my dad was all "we'll be up to see her a little later". So of course I figured that meant me as well, not thinking about my "fever" and "...puke". I went back to bed after my mom forced aspirin down my throat to "bring my fever down".
I woke up at seven ten-ish because they were making noise and my mom's all "why are you awake?" and I was like "to go see grams" and they sent me back to bed while laughing. Apparently I am dumb and should not have faked sick because now I don't get to go see my grandmother. Sweet. Oioioi.
God, why am I so smooth
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| frankenstein girls will seem strangely sexy |
[10 Mar 2007|04:03pm] |
( MALL TODAY WITH MI MADRE )
I don't have to work again until Tuesday and then I have to work Friday and Saturday. I have tomorrow off and I wanted to go to the Mook show at Crispins House but I guess you had to buy tickets ahead of time (not at the door) and I... didn't do that. So now I'm shit out of luck and I don't get to see the babe from Little Miss Sunshine. Bummer.
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| you'd kill me if you could. |
[28 Feb 2007|11:35am] |
So as a result of being bored out of my skull last night my mind has been buzzing with ideas for just about everything and anything. And by that I mean I've been thinking about that tattoos I want when I'm older and what I'm going to make for shirts/get for cloth today at walmart. I'll start with the tattoo ideas. I really don't care if anyone thinks they're dumb and I really don't care if anyone steals them (that's why I'm leaving this open) because I know somewhere in the world people already have what I'm going to do at least to some extent. I'm drawing part of mine. meeeh. anyway!
I want a chest piece. I don't know if that's what they call it but that's what I'm calling it. If you can't picture what I mean then I apologize. Uhm. I'm not sure of what I want there yet but I know I want one because I've always loved tattoos there. I don't know. I think maybe I'll get something super gross like the inside of my body tattooed there. eeh. I really don't know. My dad would tell me that's a bad idea. He'd tell me girls don't get tattoos like that. Boo.
I'm definitely getting the Thursday dove tattooed on my wrist. I've had that figured out since the 6th grade. That is a must. It's going to be on my left wrist. I'm not gonna have it wrap around or anything, it's just going to be on the underside of my arm I guess you'd call it.
Lastly I am thinking a day of the dead type tattoo thinger. I've always wanted something to do with my pepere because I lost him when I was younger and basically, he was my best friend. I talked to him about everything and when he passed away I mourned for like, a good two years and I'm still upset about it to this day. So I figured I'd have to get something for him. I'm not putting years, names, or like RIP on my body ever so.. I'm thinking just a neat looking cartoony skeleton dressed in dress pants and a button down shirt with a ciggarette in hand and some sweet glasses somewhere in there. It sounds dumb and maybe it is but I want him to look something like my pepere. Whatev.
As for clothes and cloth. I've decided I'm going to get flanel (butchered that word, I'm sure) and some sweet kids print stuff. I have to make something out of my blood brothers shirt because I got paint all over it and one of the paint stains just... does not look right at all. It's bad. I think I'm going to make my mcr shirt into a bag for kelsi and line it with this red shirt that I have. I wish I could make pins so I could make one that says "no one likes a Tim" but uh ehhh. I guess she really liked him. I never knew. Ah damn. So uh yeah. Before this becomes a book, I think I'm done.
I'm a dirty liar. Last night I had a dream about Jack Marin and now I'm downloading a bunch of Alkaline Trio because they remind me of him. hahahah oh god, my life.
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[24 Feb 2007|09:44pm] |
I just had this weird feeling about someone. It was something like "I wish I knew you personally so I could throw shit at you for being such a dumb, dumb humanbeing. You seem controling in a subtle way and that's annoying which makes me want to throw not just shit, but bricks at your head as well. I feel like you get annoyed and angry about dumb things that are not called for getting annoyed or angry over. When you make this one person that I am very close to upset, it makes me want to carve your dumb little eyes out of your stupid head and then make you swollow them, but then I realize that would be messy and you're not worth the trouble. That and it wouldn't even be good enough punishment" kind of deal.
Mmm so. When did the bank start closing at noon on Saturdays? I didn't pull myself from the mattress until eleven and then i had to do stuff so by the time I was ready to head down and get my check cashed, it was around one in the afternoon. Dude... I don't care if those people want a day off or at least half a day off. I want my money when I want it.
Only that's selfish and I'm not even upset about it any more. I'm just upset with the fact that I will have to wait until Monday to do stuff with my check. Fun fact: instead of going to the bank today, I rolled my change so I could deposit it. I have thirty dollars in quarters, five dollars in dimes, two dollars in nickles, and a dollar in pennies. This means that I have 38 dollars in change that i am going to deposit. This means that I can take 38 dollars out of my check without feeling guilty about it because it will be replaced by the change. This means that I will be depositing 74 dollars and some change into the bank on monday and I will have nearly seven hundred dollars in there. Pretty good since i just started using that account when I got my job. Yeaaaah boiiii. Now, what am I going to spend my 38 (+ the two dollars in my wallet now, so that's actually 40) dollars on? hmmm.
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[21 Feb 2007|03:16pm] |
I like how I tell people not to do things because they really will hurt/piss me off... and then they turn around and do those things anyway. I like it even more when I tell one of my friends not to do something because they really really will hurt/piss me off and they do it anyway.
I wasn't saying she was the best singer there. That's not what I was getting at so telling me that someone was better than her was dumb and made it seem like you were only saying that to piss me off. You did it. Goooood job.
She was probably the closest friend I ever had and I regret losing contact with her. Singing is her passion, her dream, her life and I support her still even though she doesn't know it. I happen to think she's amazing. Why can't you respect that/me?
ps tomorrow is my chemical romance.
woo!
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| make us poster boys for the scene. |
[19 Feb 2007|07:32am] |
 
NEW HAIR.
I'm still unsure about it. I sometimes look like a little boy. Like those times when I don't have make up on and there's no real style to it :( It's upsetting. But sometimes it looks okay to me.......... and then I think of what my dad said and change my mind. EEh. boo.
Next week is february vacation :]]]]]]
this thusday is my chemical romance :]
march 25th is taste of chaos!!! :]]]]]
this summer = warped tour :]]]]]]]]]]]
i am most excited for warped tour.
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| you trained these lips so they were champs and now they're itching for a come back, so come back. |
[09 Feb 2007|07:09am] |
I went grocery shopping with my parents last night and decided that I really hate being at my work when I don't have to be. It's weird. I don't see how Tristen can stand being there for two hours on her day off. That's ridiculous.
However much I hate being there on my day off I do not hate seeing the people I work with on my day off. I love going in there to talk to Michelle or Manny or Trevor like I did yesterday. Aww when Manny saw me he gave me a hug and we chatted about my hoodie and how much he doesn't like people. It made me smile because he's so nice.
Saw Jaystin lurking in the vegan/vegetarian aisle. My parents were like, "who's that boy that you keep making faces at and giggling over." And I told them it was a stranger so they shook their heads. He helped me pick out good pizza and then I left him because I didn't want my parents asking questions.
He goes to Mass today at noon and then he's off to Florida for a while. I'm not sure how long but he has a Myspace now so it'll be easier to get in touch with him. I'm glad.
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[07 Feb 2007|09:54am] |
Being grounded for as long as I have has put a real fucking damper on my moods. I know a month is so not that long compared to how long some other people (example: my sister) have been grounded for, but still. For a girl who hasn't gotten grounded since she was like, what, 12? it's kind of a shitty thing. An entire month for not cleaning my room and then for forgetting I was grounded and going to the mall. After not being grounded for years how am I supposed to honestly remember that I'm grounded?? .......That sounded so dumb, but I'm serious! When I'm grounded I'm still allowed to use the computer and my phone and shit, it's really hard to tell I'm even grounded. The only thing I'm not allowed to do is go out and shit with friends.
Back to why it's been on a damper on my moods. JAKET hasn't been JAKET for a while. It's been AKE and KE but not JAKET and ugh, I dont know. I love my friends so much because they're what keeps me in the good. Being home with my parents on the days that I have off from work just pisses me off. Speaking of work: I find myself sometimes wishing I never got a goddamn job but then other times I couldn't be happier because I'm making some good friends there. I get really happy when I see Ryan, Ellen, Joe, Michelle, Mike, Tara, Elly, Beth, or Manny. & I'm probably forgetting people which is horrible but oh well.
Last night at work I bought part of Jakes little Valentines Day pressent~* I dont even know why we're buying each other gifts but we are. A reason to spend money I guess. I have to get him a balloon as well as what I already got him. eeeh. I don't want to carry around a Valentines Day balloon. :| They're so goofy and ten times more humiliating than regular balloons.
Oh Oh OH!! Last night at work I also got a free hot chocolate! Only because I went out and did fucking carriages for thirty five minutes in a fucking hoodie that's as thin as anything. But that was my own fault...... Anyway! Free fucking hot chocolate. Mmm. However, it was a bad hot chocolate. I had to make it myself from one of those dumb packages. And I had to use the machine that gives you hot water and like, I didn't know it gave you coffee as well and I accidentally hit the coffee button and nothing happened then I found the hot water spout and as I'm filling up my cup with hot water, coffee starts coming out another spout and I'm looking around like SHIT DID ANYONE SEE THAT?! IS ANYONE SEEING THIS?! and I didn't know if anyone did so like, I just put a cup under it like I was going to get it and pay for it but I just left the cup of coffee there and ran off with my hot chocolate. It was so warm and nice that I couldn't stop drinking it so I burnt my tongue and now like, my tongue's all weird and bumpy on the right side and it almost kind of hurts. God. I love how impatient and dumb I can be sometimes.
I'm downloading a bunch of music today. I've got this huge list and I'm just going through each artist and downloading every song I can. Probably not the greatest idea but whatever. I also broke out my old(er) cd's and decided to give them a list. And by old(er) I mean Good Charlotte. & I'm really hoping no one calls or comes home early to hear this because I'll never hear the end of it. The Young and the Hopeless really isn't that bad of a cd. & neither is the self titled cd. :/ Which would be the only two I own because the one's after that are just ridiculous but whatever. Yes, so. Music. Here's what I've downloaded already:
( Can you feel the cold tonight? It sets in but it's alright. )
Jaystin is in NH today until Friday I think he said?? I can't even remember now. I didn't sleep at all last night because I was so excited and so I didn't go to school today because I was too tired (and I didn't finish a poster for V.Lussier and I didn't do my spanish homework either and I didn't work on my art thing much because my black pen died and I couldn't :D WHO DOES HOMEWORK ANYWAY?!) eeeeeh :/
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| i thought i loved you, but it was just how you looked in the light. |
[24 Jan 2007|06:15am] |
So I should probably be doing this dumb essay for Icky Vicki but eeeh whatever. I do what I want. (And by that I mean maybe I'll start it at 6:30 in hopes of finishing by 7:30).
I'm so worried that I failed Photography for the semester because I seriously started hating that class more than anything. I hate how he does things and the assigments and I know I should have just done them but instead, second quarter, all I did was sit around and do other peoples homework. It's going to be bad when I get my report card. I know it. Hopefully it's the only thing that I failed because I do not want to repeat any classes or anything like that. I'm not even sure how that works....... Nevermind.
I'm also super worried about Miss Erin Dillon. Yesterday Mrs. Sanderson found out about Kelsi and Erin's ~tattoo's~ and called their moms. Kelsi's mom already knew and didn't care but Erin's mom will probably murder her then feed her to the horses. asjdhakljsdh My Erin. :( If Julie doesn't allow Erin to hang out with us then Tristen and I are shooting Julie in the head so Weiner Man & Erin can be happy :/
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